Merry Christmas

I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.  I thought I'd show off my tree and daughter for the holidays.

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Is there enough love?

Lately, I constantly have the thought in my head if I have enough love to go around.  It worries me a lot.  Especially after wanting the first one so bad.  Anyway, I found this poem online and it made me feel better.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown

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My 9/11 memory

I was working for CompUSA installing Road Runner for Time Warner.  I used to listen to Bob and Tom in the mornings while I drove my van around to different jobs.  I heard the news on the radio and at that time they thought it was an accident.  I called my then husband to let him know the news.  I would only catch bits and pieces while I was in homes doing installations.

I also remembered my mother telling me two weeks earlier about a dream she had.  She had dreamed that she was in an airport (which is odd, because she doesn't fly).  She said in her dream she say Osama Bin Laden, I didn't know who that was and had to ask her who he was.  She said she was shocked that no one else noticed him.  She said after a little bit in her dream the airport had explosions and it started crumbling and there were large columns at the airport falling all around her.  I called her up and I reminded her of the dream she had told me two weeks earlier.  Of course, she didn't really have much to say on that.

Throughout the day, everything was eerily quiet.  I don't live too far from a commercial airport and a military base.  It's amazing how you miss those planes when they're not flying over.  I also remember throughout the day how awful I felt for those people, never getting the chance to see they're loved ones again.  How awful it was for people to die while at work.  I wished I would've been able to go through my life without one of those, I'll always remember where I was when..., moments.  I also distinctly remember being immensely grateful that Al Gore wasn't the President.  I know that many people hated President Bush and I certainly don't agree with everything he did.  But I knew he would adamant and decisive.  At least I knew when the man made a decision he thought was best for our country and well being.  I also he would follow through with any decision he made.

What a great summer!

I'm going to start off by saying we've had a great summer.  First we found out that we're expecting a junior or juniorette come January of 2012.  We then got to go to Denver, Colorado on a business trip for the hubster.  Finally, we got to go to the most magical place on earth, Disney World.  With so much going on, summer has just flown by.

Alas, all good things must come to an end.  Today was a chilly reminder that fall is definitely on it's way.  We spent our Labor Day cleaning out the basement in preparation of finishing it.  That is a HUGE project in itself.

Montana and I are very excited to start "School Box" box this week.  I got some new bins for organization and we're all prepped and ready to go.  With school box comes waking up early (boooooo).  But there's only so many hours in a day and I've got to get more somehow, so it comes with waking up earlier.  We're still working with the Calvert Pre-K program.  I bought it for her when she was two, with the intentions of taking two years to finish the program.  She's writing her letters, getting real good with phonics and math and I'm thinking we may breeze through the rest of the program this year.  Montana is also starting her first real extra-curricular activity.  We signed her up for dance.  Well, actually pre-dance for 3 and 4 year olds.  We're very excited.  I hope she likes it.

I'm also looking forward to fall foraging.  I'm on the prowl for some giant puffballs to cook up. YUM!

Here's some pictures of our adventures this summer.

Breakfast with Mickey

Daisy at the Magic Kingdom

The first ride of the day.

Taking Daddy for a drive.

The view from the hotel room.

Montana got to participate a lot in the Circle of Life show.

I think they were in her personal bubble.

At the Boardwalk

Dinner just took too damn long.

Downtown Denver

The Stanley

Walk path at Estes Park

Elk

Rocky Mountain National Park

There were apparently 17ft. snow drifts higher up.

RMNP again

Tiny Town train

Tiny Town

RMNP at dusk

Garden of the Gods

Going up to Pike's Peak

On top of Pike's Peak

Riding the cog railway

Where have I been?

Well, let's play catch up.  First, I didn't get to find out if I was a warrior or not.  There were several factors that made The Warrior Dash not in the cards for me.  About a month before the Dash, I sprained my ankle. Then I found out we were going to Denver the weekend of the Dash.  Finally, I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks before the Dash.  So as you can see, there were just too many factors preventing me from doing it. I am very proud of my girl Rachel for doing it.  However, she said she would NEVER do it again.  She said that it was such an over whelming stench of poop that she spent the first half mile to a mile, just trying to keep from puking.  I don't know if this was something specific to Ohio.  I never saw posts from other Warrior Dash's mention this.

So, yeah.  I'm pregnant.  I'm really not a fan of pregnancy.  If it was up to me, I would grow my baby in a big pickle jar on the fireplace mantle.  I'm warming up to the fact that I'm pregnant now.  But I must say, the timing kinda sucked.  We just have a lot of money going out, and now we have even more going out.  We  have to finish the basement, at least enough to put the office downstairs and redo the office into a bedroom.  I need a bigger car and we have to sell our motorcycles.

As far as fitness goals, those are apparently on the back burner.  I was cleared by my doctor to continue with my workout as they were.  But in reality, I felt it was best to not run since I was just getting back from a sprained ankle when I found out I was pregnant.  I still lift weights, but because of morning sickness and exhaustion, I've changed my routine to a full body workout.  I get to the gym 2-4 times a week.  I'm usually just doing weights when I go in.  I really need to get moving on the cardio.  But to be honest, I hate doing indoor cardio but it's just been too damn hot outside to do cardio.

Finally, we're looking forward to a trip to the most magical place on earth.  Montana is so excited.  I'm glad we can give her, her very own vacation before she becomes a big sister.

What a Waste

Forgive me, for my lack of writing talent.  I realize that my structure is probably off.  But this has been on my mind today, so I figured I would write it down.

What a waste of talent

Don’t you want to do more with it?

What a waste of dreams

Haven’t you ever wanted to try to achieve them?

What a waste of influence

Is what you’re doing acceptable for your children to do?

What a waste of love.

Do you realize the people who love you most, don’t necessarily give you what you want?

What a waste of life.

When the end comes, will you be wishing that you had done more?

Time to catch up.

Whew!  It sure has been busy and I think it's about to get busier.  I had been working as a contractor doing some data entry for two days a week since right before Christmas.  It's nice to get a little extra cash, but it's amazing how much other stuff I didn't get done while doing that.

We started back with homeschooling this week.  I've really dropped the ball when I was doing the part time work.  Montana is so excited to be doing "school box" again.  I could definitely tell a big difference in her attention span with school box time.  Hopefully, I'll stay on the ball with it.  Especially, with the aid of my color coded schedule. ;-)

I'm nearing the end of The New Rules of Lifting for Women program.  I have subtle differences but I still enjoyed the program.  I need to work on strength and losing body fat. (I'm going to miss those 2300 calorie days.)

I can mostly tell that my back is broader and my belly button is actually a circle.  For shits and giggles I decided to do a one year comparison picture.

I had a HUGE breakfast at Mimi's Cafe right before these March 2011 pictures.  You can see that stomach poking out.  I guess that's not a good time for progress pictures.

I'm finally going to start regularly running this week.  The Warrior Dash is just two months away.  That's not very much time.

I've added a new project.  I'm looking into basket weaving.  I know nothing about it, but I have an idea.  We'll see how it pans out.  If I get decent results I'll post some pictures.

Finally, it's not too late to get those spring dresses for your baby or toddler girls.  Check them out at www.BlueStarBaby.com.

Am I a Warrior?

The short answer is, I don't know.  I've recently signed up for the Warrior Dash that is taking place in June.  It's a very popular race as the waves seemed to fill up overnight. 

I was really really hoping to be able to do this in team fashion but I got signed up and my "team" did not.  It's not their fault; it just filled up too fast.  So here I am, starting to regret my decision to sign up.  Instead of dwelling on it, I might as well start training for it.